The Hidden Almanac for 2014-04-30

Demodex folliculorum

Demodex folliculorum (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A happy and blessed Feast of Eyebrow Mites to you all!

In today’s Hidden Almanac, Rev. Mord told us about some interesting events that occurred on this date in history: 35,000 years ago, a cave painting was painted; in 1956, Mary Swanson vanished along with a lost city.

In the garden, don’t plant all the vegetables. Just the ones you’ll eat. Be selective.

Today’s sponsors were Red Wombat Tool Company, and Something Rotten Underground.

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The Hidden Almanac for 2014-04-28

A happy and blessed Feast of the Green Jay Saint to you all!

Inca Jay at Cerro El Ávila, Venezuela

Inca Jay at Cerro El Ávila, Venezuela (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In today’s Hidden Almanac, Rev. Mord told us about some interesting events that occurred on this date in history: 100 years ago, Iris I Have Known was published; in 2011, a picture of a tiny cat in a knit hat went viral, costing the city millions of dollars; a cloud was born.

In the garden, moss flocks is blooming.

Today’s sponsors were Red Wombat Tea Company, and Kendrick’s Cat Food.

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The Hidden Almanac for 2014-04-25

A happy and blessed Feast of St. Timothy the Masked to you all!

Racoon

Racoon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In today’s Hidden Almanac, Rev. Mord told us about some interesting events that occurred on this date in history: in 1966, a golemmancer set off a terrible golem rampage; in 1887, the Salty Bread Pretzel Company made cement pretzels, creating excellent bricks; Torix Herne was born.

In the garden, everything is green and makes you feel good. Assuming you have a soul. It’s cool if you don’t.  The Rev. doesn’t judge.

Today’s sponsors were Red Wallaby Tea Company, and the Sid’s Mind Worm Class Action Lawsuit.

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The Hidden Almanac for 2014-04-21

A happy and blessed Feast of St. Yarrow to you all!

English: Achillea millefolium - Common Yarrow

English: Achillea millefolium – Common Yarrow (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In today’s Hidden Almanac, Rev. Mord told us about some interesting events that occurred on this date in history: in 1705, the only sugarplum fairy born in captivity was born at the Royal Menagerie; in 1545 at the Battle of Chervil, Prince Sergi III slew an enemy general.

In the garden, fuchsias are in season, assuming you’re in the right climate. Otherwise, don’t bother. The Rev. snarks on interns who don’t water the fuchsias.

Today’s sponsors were Red Wombat Taco Company, and Thinking Ink Sentient Tattoos (does Cecil have one of these?!)

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A Story About Them

Someone who may or may not be Joseph Fink advertises the Second Anniversary live show (I’ll be there!). Can’t wait! Also, you can download the Condos episode — I was there, too! Other fun stuff is available in the store*.

Cecil introduces the Story About Them. Their car is like yours, assuming you drive a black sedan and kidnap people. “They” are two men, one who is not tall. What they do is not secret. After all, Cecil himself is narrating their actions. Its’s all very meta.  The other is not short, and is doing a crossword puzzle. The two approach a third man, blindfold him, and put him in the car. The non-blindfolded men discuss hypothetical dinner plans, then go to the Moonlite All-Nite Diner for actual lunch. Not-short may or may not see something in the sky.

The first crossword puzzle, created by Arthur ...

The first crossword puzzle, created by Arthur Wynne, published in the New York World on December 21, 1913. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

At the diner, they eat sandwiches and listen to Cecil’s show. The blindfolded man sits in the hot car.

The men drive to the industrial part of town, and pull into a warehouse. There are crates in the warehouse, reminding me of A Story About You.

Their supervisor chews them out. They are supposed to be crating up the buildings from the miniature city under the bowling alley.

Not-short notices something, again. The supervisor remarks that the miniature city has declared war on the Upper World. People have died, but people die anyway.

Cecil then changes the story, after remarking at length on how he doesn’t always understand this.

Somewhere else, a woman wanders a dessert, neither like nor unlike this one. Great masked warriors walked with her.  Is it Dana? There is a light, a living, evil light, coming towards them. It spreads in desserts everywhere. Soon, the woman and the warriors, among others, will have to face the light.

Cecil brings the story back to Them, then throws us to The Weather.  I take a bathroom break and make some more tea. Pleasant song.

Not-short reflects on his crossword. Not-tall is unconcerned. Not-short wonders if everything will turn out all right. Not-tall says he thinks it will, but he’s lying, and unhappy with Cecil for pointing it out. The bowling alley is damaged but functional. City Hall is covered by a tarp featuring the StrexCorp logo. Old Woman Josie’s house has been empty for months. The men drive to the desert and stare into the darkness. Not-short pulls the blindfolded man out of the car. The blindfolded man walks into the darkness. Not-tall pulls out a knife. Not-short stars at the sky. He points out a dark planet looming closely in the sky. Not-tall kills him. The night sky is perfectly clear.

The blindfolded man removes his blindfolded and stares at Not-short’s corpse. The formerly blindfolded man isn’t short either. He follows Not-Tall and gets in the car with him.

The Weather was by Pretty Little Head by Eliza Rickman.

*As always and until further notice, I don’t make any money off of these links.

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The Hidden Almanac for 2014-04-16

A happy and blessed Feast of The Lower Half of St. Gareth of Stone to you all!

http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=58910&picture=walking-on-a-tight-rope

Walking On A Tight Rope

In today’s Hidden Almanac, Rev. Mord told us about some interesting events that occurred on this date in history: in 1902, an exhibition of the Art Tableau style of furniture was put on at the Royal Museum; in 1945, the Madonna of Leaves was seen by a schoolful of small children; in the 12th century, the island of Stonybirth sank into the sea.

In the garden, the chickweed has gone to seed, so now you’re screwed. But the Rev. puts it more politely.

Today’s sponsor was Red Wombat Tea Conglomerate. The Rev. also includes a shout-out to his former intern, who is now the Queen.

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Cookies

The show opens with a note from creator Joseph Fink (or is it? He has so many voices…) reminding us to check out the previous live episode, “Condos”, and the fun stuff in the store.*

Cecil is not a good salesman. He likes talking to people, but not to convince them to buy stuff. He prefers just telling stories and letting people interpret them however they want. Still, he is helping his niece  Janice sell Girl Scout cookies. Cecil mentions that Janice’s mom (Cecil’s yet-unnamed sister? It’s good to know Cecil has some family left!) is out of town, and Janice’s stepfather dropped the ball on cookie sales, so Cecil is stepping up to help. Cecil doesn’t seem to like — wait, Steve Carlsberg is Janice’s stepfather? Well, that adds some interesting context to Cecil’s hated of Steve.

English: VALHALLA, N.Y. (June 9, 2007) –...

Navy Cargo Handling Battalion 8 assists hundreds of Girl Scouts from Westchester and Putnam counties in New York load more than 33,000 boxes of cookies as part of “Operation Cookie Drop.” U.S. Navy photo by Lt. Lesley Lykins (RELEASED) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The guys in sales, who are all named Sean, just bought some cookies. Cecil notes that he originally bought all the cookies with his own money, but any proceeds from listener purchases buying are an extra donation to the Girl Scouts — Cecil will not be reimbursing himself. Station Management has not bought any cookies yet. Cecil tries to downplay his anger at Station Management — between the StrexPet and the cookies, Cecil is pissed, and calls out Daniel the Producer.

Lauren Mallard, the program director, makes an announcement. StrexCorp agreed to buy all the cookies!  Lauren talks up the Girl Scouts, how they help the women of the future, and the StrexCorp of right now. She’s especially (spell check wanted me to fix my mistyped spelling of this word to “despotically,” which is a little too apropos…) interested in finding girls who can earn their helicopter piloting badge, so StrexCorp bought the Night Vale Girl Scouts. Yay? Tamika Flynn had better watch her back…

Cecil reported the successful sales to Janice, and she’s thrilled. He also insults Steve, while thanking everyone who bought cookies and asking for continued support for the Girl Scouts. He wishes them a fun camping trip, and reminds them to be very careful. Not that they need to hide from enemies. He has no reason to mention that at all!

(Aside: why does my tea taste like soap? The last cup I had in this mug didn’t taste like soap.  Was my tea imported from Night Vale?)

Cecil gives us an update on Khoshekh’s health. The cat is on the mend, but he lost his right eye, and is missing part of his front left paw, so he will limp for the rest of his life. The feeding tube is being removed today, and he’s largely fine. There is even a small silver lining in this cloud: now that Khoshekh is no longer floating four feet off the ground, Cecil got to hold him for the first time. Carlos is allergic to cats, but will be taking Claritin, since Khoshekh will be staying at their place while he recovers.

During the traffic report (spell check wanted to correct my mistyping of “traffic” to “tragic”… hmm…), Cecil sees a flicker of something, and we hear a woman calling Cecil’s name.  Could it be Intern Dana? It is! She is both in the studio and trapped in the desert, as she can travel in space and time. She’s been visiting with John Peters, you know, the farmer, as well as Intern Maureen and members of the army that wanders the desert.  Cecil fills Dana in on her family. Dana says that today is her brother’s 26th birthday, and she got to visit him. When she appeared at the party, the cake said, “Happy 33rd Birthday!” There was a woman at the future party who was the only one not to burst into terrified tears when Dana’s apparition showed up –the woman was Dana herself, in the future! Older Dana calmed everyone down. She disappeared back to the desert before she could find out what happens to herself in the future.  Dana looks forward to being respected, as her older self appears to be.  Cecil gives Dana words of encouragement, and relief that she’ll be back.  But Dana disappears from the studio. As they say goodbye, Cecil asks Dana to say hello to Maureen for him.

This may invalidate my wild speculation.  Or maybe not!

The highway department is asking motorists to turn on their headlights and slow down when driving through constructions zones.  Good advice! Even if the construction workers are communicating to terrifying flying saucers that may or may not plan to abduct you.

The weather is “Haunted” by Maya Kern.

*Note, I don’t get any kickbacks from these links.  Yet. But if anyone wants to throw me a referral link, I wouldn’t say no…

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Reign of the Rocketmen

We jump right into the action this month.

The show opens with Mr. Cullen, the owner of a large collection of gemstones, talking to Mr. Knox, an auctioneer, about their upcoming sale.  Cullen foreshadowingly plans to invest the proceeds into aeronautics.

Suddenly, Rocketmen attack! The head Rocketman, Lyle Fawcett, threatens the two men with a P3X Neutralizer gun — a weapon that incapacitates, but does not kill, by setting off all the body’s pain sensors at once.  The Rocketmen steal the gems.

Over at the Chronicle, owner August Fenwick greets editor Tim Pearly, as Pearly is yelling for Kit Baxter-Fenwick, his ace reporter and Fenwick’s wife.  Gus has brought Kit lunch.  Pearly wants Kit to investigate the Rocketman story, since every other paper has the same information the Chronicle does, and he wants more, an exclusive. Gus’s labs at Fenwick Industries have taken over the Doc Rocket research, since Wentworth James, the Doc’s alter ego and Gus’s old friend, is busy with the war effort. As a result, Gus happens to have schematics of rocketpacks in his labs. The Fenwicks exchange some tit for tat — expertise for the paper’s evening edition, and eyewitness accounts to  help the scientists.

Fawcett talks to a Mr. Buckley their plans. Fawcett is getting greedy. Buckley wants to lay low like they had originally planned.  This out to foreshadow the episode’s conclusion nicely.

English: red panda

English: red panda (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Flying Squirrel walks in on The Red Panda working on the Red Knights. The robots talk back, a habit they picked up from Squirrel. Squirrel is annoyed that Panda is too busy working on Knights to stop a Rocketmen swarm. Panda notes that the past robberies were complex and precise, but this one was a bank — well done but not as sophisticated as usual, which means they are getting cocky, and thus predictable. Panda reverse-engineered the rocket packs, and combined with Doc Rocket’s tech, he made himself and Squirrel some rocket packs. Squirrel is overjoyed — hers has a missile. Romance isn’t dead.

Commercial break means bathroom and tea break. While I refresh, Greg Taylor promotes Red Panda Adventures Comics,  the Mask of the Red Panda trade and Night of the Red Panda serial.*

Back to the show. Fawcett and his Rocketmen enter their next crime scene, looking for a large emerald.  Buckley discovers that emerald is a baseball, painted up green and sparkly to serve as bait. Buckley is the smart one, isn’t he?  As Fawcett rants, Red Panda makes his entrance. Fawcett tries to zap panda with the P3X, but he instead shoots the hallucinations that Panda likes to emit at villains.  Panda reveals that what he knows about Fawcett: he was a contractor for the U.S. Defense Department. The government rejected his designs for being too impractical.

The Red Knights file in, and the Rocketmen take off. Squirrel and the Knights follow the Rocketmen while Panda goes for Fawcett. The flying squirrel does love her flying, and she doesn’t mind leading the bots, either. She attacks and captures Buckley.

Red Panda finds Fawcett and taunts him a little. Fawcett cares more about proving that his designs work than about the actual loot. Panda points out that, in general, guns are effective because of the fear of death, not the fear of pain. Fawcett shoots panda. Panda fights it off the effects, then takes out Fawcett.

As he packages the villain for trial, Panda advises Fawcett to use his gifts for the peace effort, but Fawcett vows revenge.

Tune in next time!

*As usual, I don’t make anything from these links, although I’d be willing to! I’ll let you know if that changes.

 

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The Hidden Almanac for 2014-04-02

A happy and blessed Feast of St. Flounder to you all!

Flatfish are asymmetrical, with both eyes lyin...

Flatfish are asymmetrical, with both eyes lying on the same side of the head (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In today’s Hidden Almanac, Rev. Mord told us about some interesting events that occurred on this date in history: in 1545, the Spice Wars swung in flavor of Prince Sergei III; in 1811, the Bridge of Monks fell down, then got back up; 225 years ago, Poor Schmo’s Book of Proverbs was first published.

In the garden, mushrooms! (The Copy Editor ate them. I choose to take this as a shout-out.)

Today’s sponsors were Red Wombat Tea Company, and Stuart, Stuart, and Swell.

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The Heart is a Lonely Haunter

Ben Blacker announces the show is coming to New York on May 10. Crap, I’m going to miss it. Sounds amazing, too.* Also, he discusses the Night Vale crossover, of which I was so looking forward to hearing a recording. Except they lost the recording. But they’re doing the show again! This year! (Come to New York! I bet I can recruit a posse!)

 

Then, we start the show! It’s an episode of Beyond Belief, which is a segment I enjoy, so hopefully it’ll be better than a certain past episode.

 

Frank and Sadie Doyle, upper-crust mediums (media?) are drinking.  Of course. They discuss taking a day off from doing things, which they generally try to avoid anyway.

A knock on the door interrupts, but they decide to resolutely ignore it. This lasts about 45 seconds. It could be a puppy! A puppy capable of knocking! (there’s also an awkward Eskimo joke I’m less thrilled with).

But it’s just Cupid. He’s here because of Penelope Pepperdine, with whom he is in love. He didn’t want to use his arrows — that would be cheating — but that didn’t work, so he shot her after all. But with Diana’s arrows.  She died. Of course. Now he wants to jump off the Doyles’ balcony, so he can go to Hades and bring back Penelope’s spirit. Then he changes his mind and decides to get revenge on Diana — who then shows up.

Diana and Cupid

Diana and Cupid (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

She insults and threatens the Doyles.  Frank wants satisfaction, but Sadie wants her night off, so they give Cupid five minutes to take care of business.

The Doyles decide to grab another drink, and adjourn to one of their huge liquor cabinets, just as Mercury shows up. He was the one to switch the bows and arrows! Frank and Sadie tell Cupid and Diana about the prank. They agree to unite in war against Mercury… and then Diana shoots Mercury with one of Cupid’s arrows, and Mercury proceeds to fall madly in love with Cupid.  Less homophobic than I feared but still played for laughs. But it would have been played for laughs if it had been heterosexual, too, I suppose, so OK. Besides, those Greek/Roman gods will screw anything.

Sadie manages to talk Mercury into going to Hades to bring back Penelope, even though it’s counter to his interests. Mercury also gives Diana her arrows back, and the gods all leave.

Frank and Sadie serenade each other, and return to their drinks.

 

Yes, that was much better.

 

 

*I’m not getting paid to put these links up. Yet. If the TAA folks want to change that, I’m listening…

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