The show opens with a note from creator Joseph Fink (or is it? He has so many voices…) reminding us to check out the previous live episode, “Condos”, and the fun stuff in the store.*
Cecil is not a good salesman. He likes talking to people, but not to convince them to buy stuff. He prefers just telling stories and letting people interpret them however they want. Still, he is helping his niece Janice sell Girl Scout cookies. Cecil mentions that Janice’s mom (Cecil’s yet-unnamed sister? It’s good to know Cecil has some family left!) is out of town, and Janice’s stepfather dropped the ball on cookie sales, so Cecil is stepping up to help. Cecil doesn’t seem to like — wait, Steve Carlsberg is Janice’s stepfather? Well, that adds some interesting context to Cecil’s hated of Steve.
Navy Cargo Handling Battalion 8 assists hundreds of Girl Scouts from Westchester and Putnam counties in New York load more than 33,000 boxes of cookies as part of “Operation Cookie Drop.” U.S. Navy photo by Lt. Lesley Lykins (RELEASED) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The guys in sales, who are all named Sean, just bought some cookies. Cecil notes that he originally bought all the cookies with his own money, but any proceeds from listener purchases buying are an extra donation to the Girl Scouts — Cecil will not be reimbursing himself. Station Management has not bought any cookies yet. Cecil tries to downplay his anger at Station Management — between the StrexPet and the cookies, Cecil is pissed, and calls out Daniel the Producer.
Lauren Mallard, the program director, makes an announcement. StrexCorp agreed to buy all the cookies! Lauren talks up the Girl Scouts, how they help the women of the future, and the StrexCorp of right now. She’s especially (spell check wanted me to fix my mistyped spelling of this word to “despotically,” which is a little too apropos…) interested in finding girls who can earn their helicopter piloting badge, so StrexCorp bought the Night Vale Girl Scouts. Yay? Tamika Flynn had better watch her back…
Cecil reported the successful sales to Janice, and she’s thrilled. He also insults Steve, while thanking everyone who bought cookies and asking for continued support for the Girl Scouts. He wishes them a fun camping trip, and reminds them to be very careful. Not that they need to hide from enemies. He has no reason to mention that at all!
(Aside: why does my tea taste like soap? The last cup I had in this mug didn’t taste like soap. Was my tea imported from Night Vale?)
Cecil gives us an update on Khoshekh’s health. The cat is on the mend, but he lost his right eye, and is missing part of his front left paw, so he will limp for the rest of his life. The feeding tube is being removed today, and he’s largely fine. There is even a small silver lining in this cloud: now that Khoshekh is no longer floating four feet off the ground, Cecil got to hold him for the first time. Carlos is allergic to cats, but will be taking Claritin, since Khoshekh will be staying at their place while he recovers.
During the traffic report (spell check wanted to correct my mistyping of “traffic” to “tragic”… hmm…), Cecil sees a flicker of something, and we hear a woman calling Cecil’s name. Could it be Intern Dana? It is! She is both in the studio and trapped in the desert, as she can travel in space and time. She’s been visiting with John Peters, you know, the farmer, as well as Intern Maureen and members of the army that wanders the desert. Cecil fills Dana in on her family. Dana says that today is her brother’s 26th birthday, and she got to visit him. When she appeared at the party, the cake said, “Happy 33rd Birthday!” There was a woman at the future party who was the only one not to burst into terrified tears when Dana’s apparition showed up –the woman was Dana herself, in the future! Older Dana calmed everyone down. She disappeared back to the desert before she could find out what happens to herself in the future. Dana looks forward to being respected, as her older self appears to be. Cecil gives Dana words of encouragement, and relief that she’ll be back. But Dana disappears from the studio. As they say goodbye, Cecil asks Dana to say hello to Maureen for him.
This may invalidate my wild speculation. Or maybe not!
The highway department is asking motorists to turn on their headlights and slow down when driving through constructions zones. Good advice! Even if the construction workers are communicating to terrifying flying saucers that may or may not plan to abduct you.
The weather is “Haunted” by Maya Kern.
*Note, I don’t get any kickbacks from these links. Yet. But if anyone wants to throw me a referral link, I wouldn’t say no…