The Hidden Almanac for 2014-05-21

A happy and blessed Feast of St. Whippetus to you all! He’s portrayed as a greyhound, and is favored by greyhound rescue organizations! Can I get an icon of him, please?

English: Brindle greyhound

English: Brindle greyhound (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In today’s Hidden Almanac, Rev. Mord told us about some interesting events that occurred on this date in history: in 1984, a kombucha culture achieved sentience and escaped; seven years ago, a rhino and a hippo got married; the currency stamp rebellion was founded (no year given).

In the garden, cat mint is blooming, which doesn’t actually mean anything.

Today’s sponsors were Red Wombat Tea Company, and Sven’s Live Cat Traps.

Confidential to Dave: Happy birthday!

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Company Picnic

A guy who I am pretty sure is Joseph Fin but is using a different name advertises the Canada schedule of the Live Tour, so check that out if you’re Canadian, plus some Con appearances — hey, another crossover with Thrilling Adventure Hour! I hope they eventually put that show up for sale. There’s a big live show on June 4 (I’ll be there!), and two previous live shows are available for download.  And! The store will be updating soon!*

Um… that’s not Cecil. And this is… welcome to the Greater Desert Bluffs Metropolitan Area.

StrexCorp has recorded then forgotten everything ever. Efficiency, yay? This is creepy, even by Night Vale standards.  Boo, Lauren! And there’s a guy — its Kevin from Desert Bluffs Radio. Sigh. It’s almost like Desert Bluffs wants to be the Community from The Giver. With a touch of the beginning of The LEGO Movie.

Oh, crap.  Daniel the Producer reports that five scientists were arrested at the house that doesn’t exist. Carlos, no! Wait… they didn’t get Carlos. Well, that’s a relief, but where is he?

Seriously, it’s like I’m waiting for them to break into “Everything Is Awesome.”

StrexCorp is giving everyone a day off for a company picnic. So go.  Now.

GROUP OF MINERS AND THEIR FAMILIES RELAXING AT...

GROUP OF MINERS AND THEIR FAMILIES RELAXING AT THE FIRST ANNUAL COMPANY PICNIC SPONSORED BY THE TENNESSEE… – NARA – 556522 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Community calendar: Work all day Tuesday. And Wednesday. And Thursday through Sunday. Monday is a lie.

The picnic is a success. By StrexCorp standards, in any event. Lauren points out that some people haven’t gotten there yet or who are trying to leave early.  And now we know who those people are.

The election is still on schedule. Yay? Both candidates released statements through StrexCorp toeing the StrexCorp party line. Were they coerced, or did StrexCorp just make these statements up?  Does it matter?

Sponsor: StrexCorp.  Of course.

Traffic: The picnic is crowded, everywhere else should be empty. StrexCorp announced that the picnic will be going on indefinitely. Everyone will live at the picnic now. Yay…

Kevin doesn’t like the equipment in the studio.  He misses his equipment from Desert Bluffs… which, as I recall, were entrails. The Seans in sales helped Kevin out. Um, is the studio now covered with Sean entrails?

Is that supposed to be the Weather? It was just a creepy rumbling.

Oh, there’s an issue at the picnic.  There seems to be some kind of riot. Cupcakes everywhere, volleyball nets getting touched.

Oh, wait, this is the weather: “Stupid” by Brendan MacLean. So what was that other thing?

Kevin prepares to sign off. He assures us that the picnic is going smoothly now. He spouts some more creepy mind-control stuff. Great.

*Ah, still not making anything off these links, with the exception of those that link to Amazon.

  • Parade Day
  • Two Years in Night Vale
  • Uncovered Mirrors: Year Two of Welcome to Night Vale
  • A Story About Them
  • Cookies
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    Parade Day

    One of the Joseph Finks advertising the Live Show I’m going to on June 4 (yay!). Also, The Debate, another live episode, is available for sale now. I did not see this one, so I really should buy it and write about it, shouldn’t I?*

    Cecil warn us to act natural, as in like nature, as in the circle of life.  Yeah.

    A series of one-sided doors have been appearing around town. Accountant Tomas Peres found one in his office. When he opened the door, he saw warriors in a desert hellscape. Dana and her friends?! Photographer Claire Wallace sent in pictures she took of one of the doors. There’s an elderly woman in the picture, and Cecil cannot see her face. The faceless old woman who lives in your home?! I’m doing some of my famous Wild Speculation! Juanita Jefferson, head of a  neighborhood improvement organization, saw a vast wasteland on the other side, some non-existent mountains, and a lighthouse, but no trees.

    Yay, Carlos calls in about the doors! He is at the house that does not exist, where a woman named Cynthia lives. All of the doors have changed to the kind that have been popping up all over town. When the scientists open the door, the house is empty like they expected. but you can’t get out unless someone is on the other side.  One scientist, Rachelle, was stuck inside for several hours, even though it was only a few minutes outside.  Carlos is going to explore! But he’ll be fine! He has his science team.

    Pamela Winchell calls another press conference. She saw one of the doors in her office.  When she opened it, she says she saw and angel. Angels are real! And one of them told Winchell to shut up, and slammed the door on her. Angels are not real after all… but mountains might be.

    It’s Parade Day! Just like the title of this episode! And the parade is not a secret! There might be Morse code in the Disparition music playing in the background! Tamika Flynn will definitely not be there! It’s definitely not a rebelling against StrexCorp! Cecil loves StrexCorp! And should you see Tamika, you should follow her!

    Chart of the Morse code letters and numerals. ...

    Chart of the Morse code letters and numerals. Italiano: Tabella di lettere e numeri in codice Morse. Svenska: En översikt över det internationella morsealfabetet. Français : Lettres et chiffres en code Morse. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    The traffic report seems to mostly be a vehicle (hehe) for more Morse code.

    And the parade is about to begin! Oh, look, Tamika Flynn is in  fact at the parade. Producer Daniel is not happy. Especially since Cecil locked him in the control room. The Parade is at StrexCorp headquarters, and involves yellow helicopters commandeered by Tamika’s middle-school army. StrexCorp security cannot contain the revolution! Cecil is barricading his door and making faces at Daniel.

    And some more Morse code. The Weather was “Take Up Your Spade” by Sara Watkins.

     

    During the weather, the revolutionaries were captured. No one else helped, just watched. It almost sounds like Cecil was the only adult involved. The children were all sent to the juvenile detention facility. Cecil chastises his listeners for not helping.

    Lauren the program director and another man come in, smiling at Cecil. Cecil is terrified.

    As he should be.

     

    *As always, I don’t make any money off these links.

     

     

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