Company Picnic

A guy who I am pretty sure is Joseph Fin but is using a different name advertises the Canada schedule of the Live Tour, so check that out if you’re Canadian, plus some Con appearances — hey, another crossover with Thrilling Adventure Hour! I hope they eventually put that show up for sale. There’s a big live show on June 4 (I’ll be there!), and two previous live shows are available for download.  And! The store will be updating soon!*

Um… that’s not Cecil. And this is… welcome to the Greater Desert Bluffs Metropolitan Area.

StrexCorp has recorded then forgotten everything ever. Efficiency, yay? This is creepy, even by Night Vale standards.  Boo, Lauren! And there’s a guy — its Kevin from Desert Bluffs Radio. Sigh. It’s almost like Desert Bluffs wants to be the Community from The Giver. With a touch of the beginning of The LEGO Movie.

Oh, crap.  Daniel the Producer reports that five scientists were arrested at the house that doesn’t exist. Carlos, no! Wait… they didn’t get Carlos. Well, that’s a relief, but where is he?

Seriously, it’s like I’m waiting for them to break into “Everything Is Awesome.”

StrexCorp is giving everyone a day off for a company picnic. So go.  Now.

GROUP OF MINERS AND THEIR FAMILIES RELAXING AT...

GROUP OF MINERS AND THEIR FAMILIES RELAXING AT THE FIRST ANNUAL COMPANY PICNIC SPONSORED BY THE TENNESSEE… – NARA – 556522 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Community calendar: Work all day Tuesday. And Wednesday. And Thursday through Sunday. Monday is a lie.

The picnic is a success. By StrexCorp standards, in any event. Lauren points out that some people haven’t gotten there yet or who are trying to leave early.  And now we know who those people are.

The election is still on schedule. Yay? Both candidates released statements through StrexCorp toeing the StrexCorp party line. Were they coerced, or did StrexCorp just make these statements up?  Does it matter?

Sponsor: StrexCorp.  Of course.

Traffic: The picnic is crowded, everywhere else should be empty. StrexCorp announced that the picnic will be going on indefinitely. Everyone will live at the picnic now. Yay…

Kevin doesn’t like the equipment in the studio.  He misses his equipment from Desert Bluffs… which, as I recall, were entrails. The Seans in sales helped Kevin out. Um, is the studio now covered with Sean entrails?

Is that supposed to be the Weather? It was just a creepy rumbling.

Oh, there’s an issue at the picnic.  There seems to be some kind of riot. Cupcakes everywhere, volleyball nets getting touched.

Oh, wait, this is the weather: “Stupid” by Brendan MacLean. So what was that other thing?

Kevin prepares to sign off. He assures us that the picnic is going smoothly now. He spouts some more creepy mind-control stuff. Great.

*Ah, still not making anything off these links, with the exception of those that link to Amazon.

  • Parade Day
  • Two Years in Night Vale
  • Uncovered Mirrors: Year Two of Welcome to Night Vale
  • A Story About Them
  • Cookies
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    Parade Day

    One of the Joseph Finks advertising the Live Show I’m going to on June 4 (yay!). Also, The Debate, another live episode, is available for sale now. I did not see this one, so I really should buy it and write about it, shouldn’t I?*

    Cecil warn us to act natural, as in like nature, as in the circle of life.  Yeah.

    A series of one-sided doors have been appearing around town. Accountant Tomas Peres found one in his office. When he opened the door, he saw warriors in a desert hellscape. Dana and her friends?! Photographer Claire Wallace sent in pictures she took of one of the doors. There’s an elderly woman in the picture, and Cecil cannot see her face. The faceless old woman who lives in your home?! I’m doing some of my famous Wild Speculation! Juanita Jefferson, head of a  neighborhood improvement organization, saw a vast wasteland on the other side, some non-existent mountains, and a lighthouse, but no trees.

    Yay, Carlos calls in about the doors! He is at the house that does not exist, where a woman named Cynthia lives. All of the doors have changed to the kind that have been popping up all over town. When the scientists open the door, the house is empty like they expected. but you can’t get out unless someone is on the other side.  One scientist, Rachelle, was stuck inside for several hours, even though it was only a few minutes outside.  Carlos is going to explore! But he’ll be fine! He has his science team.

    Pamela Winchell calls another press conference. She saw one of the doors in her office.  When she opened it, she says she saw and angel. Angels are real! And one of them told Winchell to shut up, and slammed the door on her. Angels are not real after all… but mountains might be.

    It’s Parade Day! Just like the title of this episode! And the parade is not a secret! There might be Morse code in the Disparition music playing in the background! Tamika Flynn will definitely not be there! It’s definitely not a rebelling against StrexCorp! Cecil loves StrexCorp! And should you see Tamika, you should follow her!

    Chart of the Morse code letters and numerals. ...

    Chart of the Morse code letters and numerals. Italiano: Tabella di lettere e numeri in codice Morse. Svenska: En översikt över det internationella morsealfabetet. Français : Lettres et chiffres en code Morse. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    The traffic report seems to mostly be a vehicle (hehe) for more Morse code.

    And the parade is about to begin! Oh, look, Tamika Flynn is in  fact at the parade. Producer Daniel is not happy. Especially since Cecil locked him in the control room. The Parade is at StrexCorp headquarters, and involves yellow helicopters commandeered by Tamika’s middle-school army. StrexCorp security cannot contain the revolution! Cecil is barricading his door and making faces at Daniel.

    And some more Morse code. The Weather was “Take Up Your Spade” by Sara Watkins.

     

    During the weather, the revolutionaries were captured. No one else helped, just watched. It almost sounds like Cecil was the only adult involved. The children were all sent to the juvenile detention facility. Cecil chastises his listeners for not helping.

    Lauren the program director and another man come in, smiling at Cecil. Cecil is terrified.

    As he should be.

     

    *As always, I don’t make any money off these links.

     

     

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    Visitor

    The show opens with a note from creator Joseph Fink (or is it? He has so many voices…) reminding us to check out a live show, and that Welcome to Night Vale will be at Emerald City Comic Con, including a live crossover with Thrilling Adventure Hour. Also, check out the previous live episode, “Condos”, and the fun stuff in the store.*

    There is a visitor in Cecil’s studio. He’s not sure what it is, but it’s adorable! Cecil reminds us of Khoshekh, the cat who hovers in the men’s restroom. The new creature won’t drink the water Cecil offers, just stares at him. Its eyes are all black, and there other dots around its face that might also be eyes.  It makes cut noises. The creature waddles over to Cecil and lets him pet it. It purrs, sort of. Cecil squees as it hugs him; I am dubious about the nature of the hug. The creature bites Cecil. He runs to the bathroom to clean up, and calls into the show on his cell phone, thanks to some help from Intern Jeremy. The creature tried to follow him into the bathroom. He greets Khoshekh, just as the new creature finally breaks into the men’s room. Cecil hides, and asks Jeremy to call Animal Control and take us to the Weather… just as the creature attacks Khoshekh. Khoshekh gets badly hurt. Cecil kicks the creature, and he and Jeremy hold it down until Animal Control attempts to sedate it — but they can’t, because it’s a machine. Animal control takes Khoshekh to a hospital, but they think he’ll live. There will be less of him, but he’ll live. Cecil is heartbroken, and angry that he can’t get revenge.  His new program director, Lauren, wants to know why Cecil destroyed his birthday present. She and Daniel and the rest of the management team got him a StrexPet because he loves animals.

    It’s not Cecil’s birthday. But he is determined to avenge Khoshekh.

    In the news, controversy plagues the mayoral race. The current frontrunners, you’ll recall, are: the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home; and Hiram McDaniels, who is literally a five-headed dragon. McDaniels was recently acquitted of insurance fraud, but allegedly possesses a stolen truck. The faceless old woman’s origin is lost to history, and there’s no birth certificate — is she a US citizen?

    In traffic, there is a silver pickup truck. A man is inside.He doesn’t remember things. He can, but he doesn’t. He deals only in the present. He doesn’t answer his phone.

    On the community calendar: Night Vale Community Theater is holding auditions for Into the Woods. Those auditioning should bring night vision goggles, glass cutters, and ski masks to the bank. The Museum of Forbidden Technologies is opening a new exhibit on  thought crimes. Anyone who attends will be arrested immediately. On Friday, the Dark Owl Records staff will be wearing black pants and chain mail veils.  Saturday night marks  the opening of  new restaurant Tourniquet. LaShawn Mason, executive chef, was formerly sous chef for top-rated restaurant Shame. The food will feature a mix of molecular gastronomy and human remains. The prix fixe menu includes and appetizer, entrée, dessert, and an awareness of horrible, previously repressed memories. Sunday is.

    Carlos and his team of scientists report about the house that doesn’t exist but seems to. The scientists have been monitoring John Peters, you know, the farmer, who has been standing alone in the house for weeks. The house is otherwise empty, except for various photographs of lighthouses. The scientists finally went up to door, but it was locked.  They shook the handle and knocked. John did not answer, but a woman, Cynthia, did. When she opened the door, the room was the same as the one John was standing in, but fully furnished.  Cynthia claims she’s lived in the house longer than the housing development has been in existence.

    A word from our sponsor: Do you believe in a smiling god? What if the smiling god is smiling more than ever, with highly reflective teeth? And your reflection in those teeth is perfect? And your perfect self hates your imperfect self? And the god’s tongue reflects your imperfect self? Bleeding? What if you could kill  your imperfect self? StrexCorp can help!

    The weather is “Cover Me Up” by Jason Isbell. It’s pleasant and mellow and not especially strange.

    *Note, I don’t get any kickbacks from these links.  Yet. But if anyone wants to throw me a referral link, I wouldn’t say no…

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