Renovations

One of the Joseph Finks advertises the June 4 show (which I’ll be at, yay!). He hypes the US/Canada tour. Recordings of two previous live shows are available for download. New Stuff will be added to the store.*

Ugh, Kevin starts the broadcast. That’s not good. And Lauren is there too, announcing that the Company Picnic is still going strong. And the radio station is being renovated. Including the bathrooms… where floating kittens live. Khoshekh’s babies! Daniel is sent to take pictures and post them online in case anyone is able to adopt them (despite being unable to tear themselves away from the Company Picnic).

Sponsor: Best Buy — conserve your oxygen!

The renovation contractors were sent to tear down the missile silo, several elementary schools, and the forest that’s made of people. It complimented Kevin beckoningly… it never talks to Lauren for some reason. Hmm.

The tiny civilization from the bowling alley was hired as well.  The Arby’s was torn down, and replaced by a one-to-one scale model of said Arby’s.

Financial news: The markets are fantastic, and so are you.  Everything is Awesome, apparently. Lauren sets off a stock market plunge; Kevin is pissed of in an eerily cheerful way.

There’s a picture of a lighthouse in the studio, which Kevin and Lauren find disconcerting.

Pamela Winchell, an old lady, and… what sound like angels have left the picnic and are blocking some contractors. Old Woman Josie and the Erikas! Nice!

Then, the lights go out.  Lauren realizes Daniel is taking too long. There’s someone else in the room. An Angel! Erika! It is holding a light bulb and walking toward the lighthouse picture. The picture changes, and the light is actually blinking.  A door in the picture opens, silhouetting a man holding something that moves. The man enter the lighthouse, and then — the studio door opens! It’s the man from the lighthouse! He is holding a cat! There’s a struggle!

It’s Cecil! Erika brought him here! And now, the weather (“High Tide Rising” by Fox)!

Cecil is happy to be back. He mentions an escape attempt, but that they were captured. But, just as they were giving up hope, Dana appeared through an old oak door, and brought Cecil to the lighthouse where she had been. She introduced him to the Great Masked Figures and the Erikas. Intern Maureen had shown people it was possible to pass between the worlds, and John Peters (you know, the farmer) had figured out how to open the mysterious doors. Old Woman Josie an the angles are in the other world. Cecil has returned Khoshekh to his spot ion the men’s room. Daniel was lying dead (or possibly inoperative) outside the restrooms. Apparently no one told him what happens when you photograph a cat.

StrexCorp still owns everything. Many people are still trapped in the Company Picnic. Lauren and Kevin ran away. Dana and her army stand in the path of StrexCorp’s Smiling God. And no one knows where Carlos is. Oh no!

But Night Vale Radio is once again independent of StrexCorp, and will stay that way!

I really need a fresh cup of tea after that…

*Commonplace books does not appear to have an affiliate system. As such, I’m not getting any kickbacks from them.

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Cookies

The show opens with a note from creator Joseph Fink (or is it? He has so many voices…) reminding us to check out the previous live episode, “Condos”, and the fun stuff in the store.*

Cecil is not a good salesman. He likes talking to people, but not to convince them to buy stuff. He prefers just telling stories and letting people interpret them however they want. Still, he is helping his niece  Janice sell Girl Scout cookies. Cecil mentions that Janice’s mom (Cecil’s yet-unnamed sister? It’s good to know Cecil has some family left!) is out of town, and Janice’s stepfather dropped the ball on cookie sales, so Cecil is stepping up to help. Cecil doesn’t seem to like — wait, Steve Carlsberg is Janice’s stepfather? Well, that adds some interesting context to Cecil’s hated of Steve.

English: VALHALLA, N.Y. (June 9, 2007) –...

Navy Cargo Handling Battalion 8 assists hundreds of Girl Scouts from Westchester and Putnam counties in New York load more than 33,000 boxes of cookies as part of “Operation Cookie Drop.” U.S. Navy photo by Lt. Lesley Lykins (RELEASED) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The guys in sales, who are all named Sean, just bought some cookies. Cecil notes that he originally bought all the cookies with his own money, but any proceeds from listener purchases buying are an extra donation to the Girl Scouts — Cecil will not be reimbursing himself. Station Management has not bought any cookies yet. Cecil tries to downplay his anger at Station Management — between the StrexPet and the cookies, Cecil is pissed, and calls out Daniel the Producer.

Lauren Mallard, the program director, makes an announcement. StrexCorp agreed to buy all the cookies!  Lauren talks up the Girl Scouts, how they help the women of the future, and the StrexCorp of right now. She’s especially (spell check wanted me to fix my mistyped spelling of this word to “despotically,” which is a little too apropos…) interested in finding girls who can earn their helicopter piloting badge, so StrexCorp bought the Night Vale Girl Scouts. Yay? Tamika Flynn had better watch her back…

Cecil reported the successful sales to Janice, and she’s thrilled. He also insults Steve, while thanking everyone who bought cookies and asking for continued support for the Girl Scouts. He wishes them a fun camping trip, and reminds them to be very careful. Not that they need to hide from enemies. He has no reason to mention that at all!

(Aside: why does my tea taste like soap? The last cup I had in this mug didn’t taste like soap.  Was my tea imported from Night Vale?)

Cecil gives us an update on Khoshekh’s health. The cat is on the mend, but he lost his right eye, and is missing part of his front left paw, so he will limp for the rest of his life. The feeding tube is being removed today, and he’s largely fine. There is even a small silver lining in this cloud: now that Khoshekh is no longer floating four feet off the ground, Cecil got to hold him for the first time. Carlos is allergic to cats, but will be taking Claritin, since Khoshekh will be staying at their place while he recovers.

During the traffic report (spell check wanted to correct my mistyping of “traffic” to “tragic”… hmm…), Cecil sees a flicker of something, and we hear a woman calling Cecil’s name.  Could it be Intern Dana? It is! She is both in the studio and trapped in the desert, as she can travel in space and time. She’s been visiting with John Peters, you know, the farmer, as well as Intern Maureen and members of the army that wanders the desert.  Cecil fills Dana in on her family. Dana says that today is her brother’s 26th birthday, and she got to visit him. When she appeared at the party, the cake said, “Happy 33rd Birthday!” There was a woman at the future party who was the only one not to burst into terrified tears when Dana’s apparition showed up –the woman was Dana herself, in the future! Older Dana calmed everyone down. She disappeared back to the desert before she could find out what happens to herself in the future.  Dana looks forward to being respected, as her older self appears to be.  Cecil gives Dana words of encouragement, and relief that she’ll be back.  But Dana disappears from the studio. As they say goodbye, Cecil asks Dana to say hello to Maureen for him.

This may invalidate my wild speculation.  Or maybe not!

The highway department is asking motorists to turn on their headlights and slow down when driving through constructions zones.  Good advice! Even if the construction workers are communicating to terrifying flying saucers that may or may not plan to abduct you.

The weather is “Haunted” by Maya Kern.

*Note, I don’t get any kickbacks from these links.  Yet. But if anyone wants to throw me a referral link, I wouldn’t say no…

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Visitor

The show opens with a note from creator Joseph Fink (or is it? He has so many voices…) reminding us to check out a live show, and that Welcome to Night Vale will be at Emerald City Comic Con, including a live crossover with Thrilling Adventure Hour. Also, check out the previous live episode, “Condos”, and the fun stuff in the store.*

There is a visitor in Cecil’s studio. He’s not sure what it is, but it’s adorable! Cecil reminds us of Khoshekh, the cat who hovers in the men’s restroom. The new creature won’t drink the water Cecil offers, just stares at him. Its eyes are all black, and there other dots around its face that might also be eyes.  It makes cut noises. The creature waddles over to Cecil and lets him pet it. It purrs, sort of. Cecil squees as it hugs him; I am dubious about the nature of the hug. The creature bites Cecil. He runs to the bathroom to clean up, and calls into the show on his cell phone, thanks to some help from Intern Jeremy. The creature tried to follow him into the bathroom. He greets Khoshekh, just as the new creature finally breaks into the men’s room. Cecil hides, and asks Jeremy to call Animal Control and take us to the Weather… just as the creature attacks Khoshekh. Khoshekh gets badly hurt. Cecil kicks the creature, and he and Jeremy hold it down until Animal Control attempts to sedate it — but they can’t, because it’s a machine. Animal control takes Khoshekh to a hospital, but they think he’ll live. There will be less of him, but he’ll live. Cecil is heartbroken, and angry that he can’t get revenge.  His new program director, Lauren, wants to know why Cecil destroyed his birthday present. She and Daniel and the rest of the management team got him a StrexPet because he loves animals.

It’s not Cecil’s birthday. But he is determined to avenge Khoshekh.

In the news, controversy plagues the mayoral race. The current frontrunners, you’ll recall, are: the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home; and Hiram McDaniels, who is literally a five-headed dragon. McDaniels was recently acquitted of insurance fraud, but allegedly possesses a stolen truck. The faceless old woman’s origin is lost to history, and there’s no birth certificate — is she a US citizen?

In traffic, there is a silver pickup truck. A man is inside.He doesn’t remember things. He can, but he doesn’t. He deals only in the present. He doesn’t answer his phone.

On the community calendar: Night Vale Community Theater is holding auditions for Into the Woods. Those auditioning should bring night vision goggles, glass cutters, and ski masks to the bank. The Museum of Forbidden Technologies is opening a new exhibit on  thought crimes. Anyone who attends will be arrested immediately. On Friday, the Dark Owl Records staff will be wearing black pants and chain mail veils.  Saturday night marks  the opening of  new restaurant Tourniquet. LaShawn Mason, executive chef, was formerly sous chef for top-rated restaurant Shame. The food will feature a mix of molecular gastronomy and human remains. The prix fixe menu includes and appetizer, entrée, dessert, and an awareness of horrible, previously repressed memories. Sunday is.

Carlos and his team of scientists report about the house that doesn’t exist but seems to. The scientists have been monitoring John Peters, you know, the farmer, who has been standing alone in the house for weeks. The house is otherwise empty, except for various photographs of lighthouses. The scientists finally went up to door, but it was locked.  They shook the handle and knocked. John did not answer, but a woman, Cynthia, did. When she opened the door, the room was the same as the one John was standing in, but fully furnished.  Cynthia claims she’s lived in the house longer than the housing development has been in existence.

A word from our sponsor: Do you believe in a smiling god? What if the smiling god is smiling more than ever, with highly reflective teeth? And your reflection in those teeth is perfect? And your perfect self hates your imperfect self? And the god’s tongue reflects your imperfect self? Bleeding? What if you could kill  your imperfect self? StrexCorp can help!

The weather is “Cover Me Up” by Jason Isbell. It’s pleasant and mellow and not especially strange.

*Note, I don’t get any kickbacks from these links.  Yet. But if anyone wants to throw me a referral link, I wouldn’t say no…

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