Renovations

One of the Joseph Finks advertises the June 4 show (which I’ll be at, yay!). He hypes the US/Canada tour. Recordings of two previous live shows are available for download. New Stuff will be added to the store.*

Ugh, Kevin starts the broadcast. That’s not good. And Lauren is there too, announcing that the Company Picnic is still going strong. And the radio station is being renovated. Including the bathrooms… where floating kittens live. Khoshekh’s babies! Daniel is sent to take pictures and post them online in case anyone is able to adopt them (despite being unable to tear themselves away from the Company Picnic).

Sponsor: Best Buy — conserve your oxygen!

The renovation contractors were sent to tear down the missile silo, several elementary schools, and the forest that’s made of people. It complimented Kevin beckoningly… it never talks to Lauren for some reason. Hmm.

The tiny civilization from the bowling alley was hired as well.  The Arby’s was torn down, and replaced by a one-to-one scale model of said Arby’s.

Financial news: The markets are fantastic, and so are you.  Everything is Awesome, apparently. Lauren sets off a stock market plunge; Kevin is pissed of in an eerily cheerful way.

There’s a picture of a lighthouse in the studio, which Kevin and Lauren find disconcerting.

Pamela Winchell, an old lady, and… what sound like angels have left the picnic and are blocking some contractors. Old Woman Josie and the Erikas! Nice!

Then, the lights go out.  Lauren realizes Daniel is taking too long. There’s someone else in the room. An Angel! Erika! It is holding a light bulb and walking toward the lighthouse picture. The picture changes, and the light is actually blinking.  A door in the picture opens, silhouetting a man holding something that moves. The man enter the lighthouse, and then — the studio door opens! It’s the man from the lighthouse! He is holding a cat! There’s a struggle!

It’s Cecil! Erika brought him here! And now, the weather (“High Tide Rising” by Fox)!

Cecil is happy to be back. He mentions an escape attempt, but that they were captured. But, just as they were giving up hope, Dana appeared through an old oak door, and brought Cecil to the lighthouse where she had been. She introduced him to the Great Masked Figures and the Erikas. Intern Maureen had shown people it was possible to pass between the worlds, and John Peters (you know, the farmer) had figured out how to open the mysterious doors. Old Woman Josie an the angles are in the other world. Cecil has returned Khoshekh to his spot ion the men’s room. Daniel was lying dead (or possibly inoperative) outside the restrooms. Apparently no one told him what happens when you photograph a cat.

StrexCorp still owns everything. Many people are still trapped in the Company Picnic. Lauren and Kevin ran away. Dana and her army stand in the path of StrexCorp’s Smiling God. And no one knows where Carlos is. Oh no!

But Night Vale Radio is once again independent of StrexCorp, and will stay that way!

I really need a fresh cup of tea after that…

*Commonplace books does not appear to have an affiliate system. As such, I’m not getting any kickbacks from them.

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The Hidden Almanac for 2014-05-21

A happy and blessed Feast of St. Whippetus to you all! He’s portrayed as a greyhound, and is favored by greyhound rescue organizations! Can I get an icon of him, please?

English: Brindle greyhound

English: Brindle greyhound (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In today’s Hidden Almanac, Rev. Mord told us about some interesting events that occurred on this date in history: in 1984, a kombucha culture achieved sentience and escaped; seven years ago, a rhino and a hippo got married; the currency stamp rebellion was founded (no year given).

In the garden, cat mint is blooming, which doesn’t actually mean anything.

Today’s sponsors were Red Wombat Tea Company, and Sven’s Live Cat Traps.

Confidential to Dave: Happy birthday!

Company Picnic

A guy who I am pretty sure is Joseph Fin but is using a different name advertises the Canada schedule of the Live Tour, so check that out if you’re Canadian, plus some Con appearances — hey, another crossover with Thrilling Adventure Hour! I hope they eventually put that show up for sale. There’s a big live show on June 4 (I’ll be there!), and two previous live shows are available for download.  And! The store will be updating soon!*

Um… that’s not Cecil. And this is… welcome to the Greater Desert Bluffs Metropolitan Area.

StrexCorp has recorded then forgotten everything ever. Efficiency, yay? This is creepy, even by Night Vale standards.  Boo, Lauren! And there’s a guy — its Kevin from Desert Bluffs Radio. Sigh. It’s almost like Desert Bluffs wants to be the Community from The Giver. With a touch of the beginning of The LEGO Movie.

Oh, crap.  Daniel the Producer reports that five scientists were arrested at the house that doesn’t exist. Carlos, no! Wait… they didn’t get Carlos. Well, that’s a relief, but where is he?

Seriously, it’s like I’m waiting for them to break into “Everything Is Awesome.”

StrexCorp is giving everyone a day off for a company picnic. So go.  Now.

GROUP OF MINERS AND THEIR FAMILIES RELAXING AT...

GROUP OF MINERS AND THEIR FAMILIES RELAXING AT THE FIRST ANNUAL COMPANY PICNIC SPONSORED BY THE TENNESSEE… – NARA – 556522 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Community calendar: Work all day Tuesday. And Wednesday. And Thursday through Sunday. Monday is a lie.

The picnic is a success. By StrexCorp standards, in any event. Lauren points out that some people haven’t gotten there yet or who are trying to leave early.  And now we know who those people are.

The election is still on schedule. Yay? Both candidates released statements through StrexCorp toeing the StrexCorp party line. Were they coerced, or did StrexCorp just make these statements up?  Does it matter?

Sponsor: StrexCorp.  Of course.

Traffic: The picnic is crowded, everywhere else should be empty. StrexCorp announced that the picnic will be going on indefinitely. Everyone will live at the picnic now. Yay…

Kevin doesn’t like the equipment in the studio.  He misses his equipment from Desert Bluffs… which, as I recall, were entrails. The Seans in sales helped Kevin out. Um, is the studio now covered with Sean entrails?

Is that supposed to be the Weather? It was just a creepy rumbling.

Oh, there’s an issue at the picnic.  There seems to be some kind of riot. Cupcakes everywhere, volleyball nets getting touched.

Oh, wait, this is the weather: “Stupid” by Brendan MacLean. So what was that other thing?

Kevin prepares to sign off. He assures us that the picnic is going smoothly now. He spouts some more creepy mind-control stuff. Great.

*Ah, still not making anything off these links, with the exception of those that link to Amazon.

  • Parade Day
  • Two Years in Night Vale
  • Uncovered Mirrors: Year Two of Welcome to Night Vale
  • A Story About Them
  • Cookies
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    Parade Day

    One of the Joseph Finks advertising the Live Show I’m going to on June 4 (yay!). Also, The Debate, another live episode, is available for sale now. I did not see this one, so I really should buy it and write about it, shouldn’t I?*

    Cecil warn us to act natural, as in like nature, as in the circle of life.  Yeah.

    A series of one-sided doors have been appearing around town. Accountant Tomas Peres found one in his office. When he opened the door, he saw warriors in a desert hellscape. Dana and her friends?! Photographer Claire Wallace sent in pictures she took of one of the doors. There’s an elderly woman in the picture, and Cecil cannot see her face. The faceless old woman who lives in your home?! I’m doing some of my famous Wild Speculation! Juanita Jefferson, head of a  neighborhood improvement organization, saw a vast wasteland on the other side, some non-existent mountains, and a lighthouse, but no trees.

    Yay, Carlos calls in about the doors! He is at the house that does not exist, where a woman named Cynthia lives. All of the doors have changed to the kind that have been popping up all over town. When the scientists open the door, the house is empty like they expected. but you can’t get out unless someone is on the other side.  One scientist, Rachelle, was stuck inside for several hours, even though it was only a few minutes outside.  Carlos is going to explore! But he’ll be fine! He has his science team.

    Pamela Winchell calls another press conference. She saw one of the doors in her office.  When she opened it, she says she saw and angel. Angels are real! And one of them told Winchell to shut up, and slammed the door on her. Angels are not real after all… but mountains might be.

    It’s Parade Day! Just like the title of this episode! And the parade is not a secret! There might be Morse code in the Disparition music playing in the background! Tamika Flynn will definitely not be there! It’s definitely not a rebelling against StrexCorp! Cecil loves StrexCorp! And should you see Tamika, you should follow her!

    Chart of the Morse code letters and numerals. ...

    Chart of the Morse code letters and numerals. Italiano: Tabella di lettere e numeri in codice Morse. Svenska: En översikt över det internationella morsealfabetet. Français : Lettres et chiffres en code Morse. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    The traffic report seems to mostly be a vehicle (hehe) for more Morse code.

    And the parade is about to begin! Oh, look, Tamika Flynn is in  fact at the parade. Producer Daniel is not happy. Especially since Cecil locked him in the control room. The Parade is at StrexCorp headquarters, and involves yellow helicopters commandeered by Tamika’s middle-school army. StrexCorp security cannot contain the revolution! Cecil is barricading his door and making faces at Daniel.

    And some more Morse code. The Weather was “Take Up Your Spade” by Sara Watkins.

     

    During the weather, the revolutionaries were captured. No one else helped, just watched. It almost sounds like Cecil was the only adult involved. The children were all sent to the juvenile detention facility. Cecil chastises his listeners for not helping.

    Lauren the program director and another man come in, smiling at Cecil. Cecil is terrified.

    As he should be.

     

    *As always, I don’t make any money off these links.

     

     

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    The Hidden Almanac for 2014-04-30

    Demodex folliculorum

    Demodex folliculorum (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    A happy and blessed Feast of Eyebrow Mites to you all!

    In today’s Hidden Almanac, Rev. Mord told us about some interesting events that occurred on this date in history: 35,000 years ago, a cave painting was painted; in 1956, Mary Swanson vanished along with a lost city.

    In the garden, don’t plant all the vegetables. Just the ones you’ll eat. Be selective.

    Today’s sponsors were Red Wombat Tool Company, and Something Rotten Underground.

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    The Hidden Almanac for 2014-04-28

    A happy and blessed Feast of the Green Jay Saint to you all!

    Inca Jay at Cerro El Ávila, Venezuela

    Inca Jay at Cerro El Ávila, Venezuela (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    In today’s Hidden Almanac, Rev. Mord told us about some interesting events that occurred on this date in history: 100 years ago, Iris I Have Known was published; in 2011, a picture of a tiny cat in a knit hat went viral, costing the city millions of dollars; a cloud was born.

    In the garden, moss flocks is blooming.

    Today’s sponsors were Red Wombat Tea Company, and Kendrick’s Cat Food.

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    The Hidden Almanac for 2014-04-25

    A happy and blessed Feast of St. Timothy the Masked to you all!

    Racoon

    Racoon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    In today’s Hidden Almanac, Rev. Mord told us about some interesting events that occurred on this date in history: in 1966, a golemmancer set off a terrible golem rampage; in 1887, the Salty Bread Pretzel Company made cement pretzels, creating excellent bricks; Torix Herne was born.

    In the garden, everything is green and makes you feel good. Assuming you have a soul. It’s cool if you don’t.  The Rev. doesn’t judge.

    Today’s sponsors were Red Wallaby Tea Company, and the Sid’s Mind Worm Class Action Lawsuit.

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    The Hidden Almanac for 2014-04-21

    A happy and blessed Feast of St. Yarrow to you all!

    English: Achillea millefolium - Common Yarrow

    English: Achillea millefolium – Common Yarrow (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    In today’s Hidden Almanac, Rev. Mord told us about some interesting events that occurred on this date in history: in 1705, the only sugarplum fairy born in captivity was born at the Royal Menagerie; in 1545 at the Battle of Chervil, Prince Sergi III slew an enemy general.

    In the garden, fuchsias are in season, assuming you’re in the right climate. Otherwise, don’t bother. The Rev. snarks on interns who don’t water the fuchsias.

    Today’s sponsors were Red Wombat Taco Company, and Thinking Ink Sentient Tattoos (does Cecil have one of these?!)

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    A Story About Them

    Someone who may or may not be Joseph Fink advertises the Second Anniversary live show (I’ll be there!). Can’t wait! Also, you can download the Condos episode — I was there, too! Other fun stuff is available in the store*.

    Cecil introduces the Story About Them. Their car is like yours, assuming you drive a black sedan and kidnap people. “They” are two men, one who is not tall. What they do is not secret. After all, Cecil himself is narrating their actions. Its’s all very meta.  The other is not short, and is doing a crossword puzzle. The two approach a third man, blindfold him, and put him in the car. The non-blindfolded men discuss hypothetical dinner plans, then go to the Moonlite All-Nite Diner for actual lunch. Not-short may or may not see something in the sky.

    The first crossword puzzle, created by Arthur ...

    The first crossword puzzle, created by Arthur Wynne, published in the New York World on December 21, 1913. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    At the diner, they eat sandwiches and listen to Cecil’s show. The blindfolded man sits in the hot car.

    The men drive to the industrial part of town, and pull into a warehouse. There are crates in the warehouse, reminding me of A Story About You.

    Their supervisor chews them out. They are supposed to be crating up the buildings from the miniature city under the bowling alley.

    Not-short notices something, again. The supervisor remarks that the miniature city has declared war on the Upper World. People have died, but people die anyway.

    Cecil then changes the story, after remarking at length on how he doesn’t always understand this.

    Somewhere else, a woman wanders a dessert, neither like nor unlike this one. Great masked warriors walked with her.  Is it Dana? There is a light, a living, evil light, coming towards them. It spreads in desserts everywhere. Soon, the woman and the warriors, among others, will have to face the light.

    Cecil brings the story back to Them, then throws us to The Weather.  I take a bathroom break and make some more tea. Pleasant song.

    Not-short reflects on his crossword. Not-tall is unconcerned. Not-short wonders if everything will turn out all right. Not-tall says he thinks it will, but he’s lying, and unhappy with Cecil for pointing it out. The bowling alley is damaged but functional. City Hall is covered by a tarp featuring the StrexCorp logo. Old Woman Josie’s house has been empty for months. The men drive to the desert and stare into the darkness. Not-short pulls the blindfolded man out of the car. The blindfolded man walks into the darkness. Not-tall pulls out a knife. Not-short stars at the sky. He points out a dark planet looming closely in the sky. Not-tall kills him. The night sky is perfectly clear.

    The blindfolded man removes his blindfolded and stares at Not-short’s corpse. The formerly blindfolded man isn’t short either. He follows Not-Tall and gets in the car with him.

    The Weather was by Pretty Little Head by Eliza Rickman.

    *As always and until further notice, I don’t make any money off of these links.

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    The Hidden Almanac for 2014-04-16

    A happy and blessed Feast of The Lower Half of St. Gareth of Stone to you all!

    http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=58910&picture=walking-on-a-tight-rope

    Walking On A Tight Rope

    In today’s Hidden Almanac, Rev. Mord told us about some interesting events that occurred on this date in history: in 1902, an exhibition of the Art Tableau style of furniture was put on at the Royal Museum; in 1945, the Madonna of Leaves was seen by a schoolful of small children; in the 12th century, the island of Stonybirth sank into the sea.

    In the garden, the chickweed has gone to seed, so now you’re screwed. But the Rev. puts it more politely.

    Today’s sponsor was Red Wombat Tea Conglomerate. The Rev. also includes a shout-out to his former intern, who is now the Queen.

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